The Girl Who Lived In The Internet

i need to learn how to edit this shit.  

i didnt write here for a long time.

my bad.

i have been having some free time recently and i have been trying  to get into personal fitness. 

i’ve taken up kick boxing classes.  i go to the gym almost every day.  im getting a tan.  i checked out a pilates studio and i am going to start taking aerial fitness classes.

my goal is to be able to do pull ups.  i can not do one pull up without a spotter. 

so.  coming soon.  more blogging and pull ups.  

i am going to very seriously take up lying in this new year.i have never been a good liar, you can ask my parents.  my father is a human lie detector.  i think that might have been one of his specialities during his military service.i have also never been real big on making new years resolutions.  i have nearly no bad habits.   and have gotten pretty serious about hitting the gym in the last year or two.so who’s to say your new years resolution has to be be something to improve your own health or quality of life?  i think shamelessly lying, mainly to strangers, about outlandish things, would be a really great way to make the world more interesting and exercise my imagination.  and you dont have to be exactly convincing to make up these kinds of lies, so its more of a ‘fib’ type of lie.  a white lie. i practiced lying just yesterday at the airport.i was supposed to be going to san francisco to shoot a bondage porno, but when this guy asked the purpose of my trip i explained to him that i was meeting a friend up there to perform a satanic ritual which involved sacrificing a goat and drinking its blood.he responded with “right on”and i left him him with “have a nice trip, hail satan!”i think the lie served it purpose nicely.it saved me the explanation about being a sex worker, let him know that i didnt really want to talk about it, and gave us both a good laugh.he’ll probably remember me forever.  and i like the thought of people thinking about me.i guess attention whoring is a vice,  maybe i’ll try to cut down on that in 2009. 

its funny how easily we forget how the world thinks about sex.the outside world i mean, way outside.  like in the midwest and southern states.

we are spoiled living in our liberal blue state on the edge of america.

a lot of people here are like me.  and they ran away from where ever hellish redneck community they grew up in to be the gays and lesbians and whores they always knew they were.

 the outside world recently slapped me in the face.  the reality is out there.  i am a sexually  marginalized citizen because of what i choose as a career.   though i pay my taxes, have money in the bank and obey the law…. i am a lowlife piece of shit.   

a few months ago i bought a cat from the a breeder in michigan.  before the sale she was sweet as can be, offering advice and telling me that i should feel free to contact her any time with concerns i may have about this kitten.

after we received our beautiful sphynx baby, heinrich… the breeder has changed her tune.  deciding to be difficult and not sending the cat’s papers.  in my efforts to get the papers sent to me it has somehow escalated into a fight. 

i say “i have never been treated so rudely”

to which this breeders sister/business partner replies, “You Should Be Used To People Talking To You Far Worse Than That Seeing As How The Business You Are In Attracts All Physchos And Sexual Preadators.”

wow.

wow wow wow.

oh my god.

not that it has anything to do with anything else.

  this is just insane.

i forget people can be this way.  its not like i disclosed information about my line of work to this person… they have been searching this out.  like a crazy person.

this really bothers me a great deal.  its the 2000’s, i am an adult… we are all adults.

i try to chalk it up to jealousy and ignorance.

i wish people like this would just fall off the planet.

i fight with my boyfriend.there, i said it… and it feels good to admit it.  i spend most of my online existence typing away this persona of a happy-go-lucky, extroverted, ’sassy,’ tough girl…  though this is only a slight percentage of my personality at best.  i have a personality quirk, i think its quite charming and adds character, others find it emotionally straining and at times even psychotic.  i am needy.  not like, whiney and attention starved, i just want as much attention when it is most convenient for myself and usually asking the attention of the person who is capable of giving the least.this is where my selfish boyfriend and the fighting comes into play. my boyfriend started going to USC this fall for film production.super expensive,  super competitive,  and all together life consuming.which, of course triggers my neediness.the less he is around the more i want to be with him.  this happens because we are in love, i tell myself.   he is stretched to his limits and is very annoyed with me.  his every excuse is school, and his dreams and the 40 thousand dollars a year.  and while i understand that all, i really want to cuddle and talk about nothing and window shop.  my boyfriend is also passive aggressive and clams up when i try to point out his shortcomings in the relationship.  i counter is passive aggressive with ‘aggressive aggressive’.    last night i called his mother and told her that i felt like a piece of furniture when i was around him.  she was very sweet to relay the message.  daniel and i had a screaming match when he got home that evening.  we both cried it out a little after i threatened to leave.  he offered his love to me if i was willing to accept.  and my thirst for the attention i so desperately needed was finally quenched.for now everything is smoothed over.i didn’t feel that i could vent this anywhere else online. thanks for reading.        

recently i have become very close to a girl with whom i work, you may know her as Belladonna. ive gotten pretty close to her family.

anybody would say they are “well off” and they are the nicest and most generous people i think ive ever met in my entire life.

it is so inspiring to meet people who have it so together, are business minded and still so incredibly down-to-earth.

i have been thinking for some time about starting a new website.

not just as a source of income, so i can become more independently financially secure… and eventually “well off”.

but also as a way of producing my own content, giving back to my fans, and growing as a filmmaker and artist.

i plan on investing in some good equipment and teaching myself how to use it. i want to hone my skills and build something that everyone will enjoy.

i welcome comments and suggestions.

i feel like my mind has never been this open. i feel very electric.

bella is away in Australia on business. she called me this afternoon while i was at brunch.

it just really warmed my heart to know that such a special and amazing person is on he other side of the world thinking of me.

for those who are not familiar with me, Dana, Little Dana, Little Dana DeArmond.

i have an addictive personality.

money, booze, sex, excitement, attention, drama, danger, narcotics. yes, i *heart* them all.

at a certain point in my young life i found that it was extremely difficult to drink myself to death…. which seemed to be a plan i have been working on for some years.

yeah, i know you were excited to meet this doped up, trashed, (possibly topless?) floozy…

but i assure you i have become a much better person in the 4+ years i have been sober.

so attention, excitement, money, sex and other repetitive motions are still very much a part of my addiction problem.

here’s where social networking comes in.

i consider myself extremely fortunate that MySpace.com (a place for friends) was being developed the exact same time i decided to quit, cold turkey, “for real this time”.

whatever would i have ended up doing with all those hours in the day i use up accepting friend requests and taking self portraits with my digital camera? would i have taken up a job as an assembly line worker? clicking little pieces of plastic of tab A into slot B?

maybe i would be stuffing envelopes from home, not for the extra income, but for the rhythmic fold, stuff, lick, stick, stamp… which would become my new mantra.

i have found much happiness in blogging, processing, communicating. i dont think i would have become this satisfied in my life without the help of MySpace.com (a place for friends)

and a place for friends indeed. i have captivated the hearts befriended several hundred thousand other profiles.

and i accept them all, unconditionally, 10 at a time.

sure i am using this as an outlet to keep me from hurting myself or others, but i like to think i give something back.

so now this blog is a new chapter in the life of the girl who lived in the internet.

www.theinternetsgirlfriend.com